At work we have what is called the "dead puppy dog story". Last year at one of our events, we dealt with this lady who was nothing but rude to our staff. She later came back and told us that her dog had died earlier that day and she was having a tough time with it. So now, when we deal with similar attitudes, we refer back to that moment, in an attempt to remember that the individual could be dealing with something tough in life and taking it out on us.
I was reminded of that again not long ago, when dealing with a woman who is usually all but pleasant to encounter. First she did her usual complaining, and then we got to talking about how busy she was, because....get this....her husband has Lyme disease! The more we talked, and the more I learned how similar her husband's story is to mine, the more I came to understand why she's been the way she's been. Our household is no stranger to the fact that Lyme is a life-changer not just for the disease-inflicted, but also for the spouse.
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​​It's so easy for us to wish that others could walk a mile in our shoes - I find this especially true for myself. If someone complains of a sinus infection, I can't help but think "try living with it every day for 2 solid years!" If I hear someone grumble about a stomach ache, nausea or bloating, in my mind I immediately wish they could understand what it's been like to live with those things constantly for 8 years. Same with the pain. "Oh, I'm sorry" (I think sarcastically) "you have a backache today? I've struggled getting out of bed every day for the last 3 years because I'm in so much pain!"
It happens everywhere I go. Getting groceries this week, the cashier told everyone in line about her 2 hour migraine. She acted like she was the only one in the world who was dealing with such suffering. I'm embarrased to say that I've reached a point where I just don't have a whole lot of sympathy for these things anymore.
But as I've thought more about this, I realized two things:
1. Instead of wishing everyone could deal with what I do, even for a day, what I should be doing is practicing more empathy! Yes, most people don't deal with their symptoms as long as I have, but no matter the length of time - it still sucks for them!
2. As annoyed as I was with the check out girl who thought it was ok to complain about her story instead of scanning my items (I'm in pain here myself, lady, and I need to get to my couch STAT!) it dawned on me that I often act just like she did - like I'm the only one around who is suffering this much. Of course I know that isn't true, it's just hard to keep in perspective.
I recently stumbled across this quote from Will Smith that is helpful to remember in times like this:
I pride myself at hiding my pain and struggling with the best of them! But something I forget is that I'm not the only one who's a pro at masking anguish. Most everyone has something they are dealing with, and more often than not, we have no idea it's happening!
Another thing that I must remember is that I still have it way better than a lot of people in this world; there are so many that have it way worse than I do. A family friend sent me this link recently - an inspiring video of a child who has a rare skin condition. Watching the struggles he faces everyday, and the positive attitude he still has, really put things into perspective.
I obviously have a lot to work on. I want the challenges of this disease to make me a better person, not a more selfish one. I do believe that it has made me stronger than ever on the outside. But if I'm honest with myself, it has really had a negative impact on me internally, especially when it comes to compassion for others. It's definitely easier said than done.
Lately we've been watching re-run episodes of the TV show "Undercover Boss". Now I know that, like most reality television, it's setup to produce good ratings. They always seem to find the individuals with the "saddest" story who's life would be impacted greatly by financial assistance. (I can't help but secretly wish I could be one of those lucky people to help with my medical bills!) But it is still nice to see the head honcho humbled by the work his or her employees go through on a daily basis. And also to remember just how many people in this world are struggling so deeply for one reason or another.
I think maybe it would behoove us all to take an "Undercover Boss" approach to life. Even though I think customer service has generally gone to crap these days, it's good to remember what it may be like to do that job. Chances are, it's tough, and you may not be very good at it either! If you come across someone with a bad attitude, don't forget about the puppy dog story because you never know if that sourness comes from a struggle within. And even when you're faced with a smile, remember that things aren't always as they appear to be. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes and you're bound to get some blisters, roll an ankle or lose a sneaker along the way.
