This last year has certainly been one for the books, and I know I'm not alone in being grateful that 2020 is in the rearview. We certainly had no idea what we were in for at this time last year, did we?! I saw a quote a while back that said, "we are not all in the same boat, but we are in the same storm. Some have yachts, some have canoes, and some are drowning.” As tough as this year has been at times, I try to keep this perspective and remember that I'm really damn lucky to have a boat, however small it may be.
Both my husband and I have not only kept our jobs, but we have had the opportunity to work from home since March. My heart breaks for all those who have lots their jobs, and especially those who have had to close their business, or are really struggling to keep it afloat.
Social gatherings were sure a bust. I had hoped to throw my hubby a huge surprise party for his 40th birthday in October, and that didn't pan out, but that's nothing compared to all the brides who had to cancel their weddings or seniors who were robbed of all the special moments you should get in the last few months of school.
We had a few crazy medical issues this year - my daughter got her 1st nursemaid's elbow and a hair tourniquet on her toe that resulted in some stressful late night urgent care visits. I had a piece of crown molding fall on my head that gashed my forehead and nose open. But we've also had a significant decrease in "normal" sickness in our household this year - a definite plus! My heart breaks for those who have dealt with horrible illness and loss, many of those forced to do so completely alone - I can't even imagine how awful that would be.
Our daycare was closed for nearly two months, which was extremely tough on me physically, and made it nearly impossible to get any work done. But we are so grateful that it was only two months. And those weeks really provided some quality bonding time for our family. Thank goodness we had such amazing weather; things would have been a bit different if we were stuck inside the whole time! I'm also admittedly thankful that my daughter is not yet in grade school - major props to all the parents and teachers out there who had to make such considerable adjustments to continue education for their children!
I spoke of many of the positive outcomes to this quarantine life a few posts ago, so I won't get into it much more here, but those things all still ring true...in many ways some of the 2020 outcomes have been a blessing in disguise for me.
Over the last 9 months, I don't think I've left my house more than 30 times. The truth is, this way of living isn't really that different for me. Other than the fact that I'm not going into the office, staying home is my normal. Even before all this, I took advantage of grocery delivery and online shopping. Most weekends, I stayed in while my family ventured out.
Though I was starting to join in on more - as was my “resolution” for 2020. Even though I had to push through, I was starting to participate in play dates, children’s museum and playground trips more often. After 8 years of living where we are, we were finally at the point of establishing friendships - which, let’s face it - at our age is just as tough as the dating world was in our 20’s, if not more so! Because of this, I was beginning to feel a little less lonely, and for the first time, not dying to get back “home“ to Spokane. Then COVID hit, and it was back to just the three of us, all the time. I’ve struggled with a bit of depression here and there, and had a really rough month this past Autumn. No one can understand the loneliness of a chronic illness, particularly one that is invisible, unless you’re in it yourself. Add COVID isolation on top of that, it’s tough to say the least.
However, we did get to squeeze in some mini-trips to make life more fun once the world opened up a bit more, which was helpful for our sanity. A couple trips to the beach, a visit to my sister's family in Oregon, a weekend getaway to a river house and the holidays at my parents' house in Eastern Washington. I'm sure we were judged for doing so, and I hesitated posting pictures on social media for that reason. One thing I hate almost more than anything right now is the continued division in our country, which has certainly been made worse by all of this. In the end, I felt like my mental health was desperately in need of a little family time, and although my immune system is severely compromised, the risks were low enough that I felt safe enough doing so.
Speaking of social media, I'll guiltily admit that in some ways 2020 was helpful for my depression in that I wasn't continually bombarded with post after post of friends' activities reminding me what I don't have or can't do. Knowing that most people are stuck at home, getting a taste of one component of my normal, makes me selfishly feel a little less lonely and a lot less sad about missing out on life. How messed up is that?!
So, onto the start of 2021. I've definitely noticed a pattern in all of my New Year blog posts - another year gone by without much improvement, but still clinging on to a little bit of hope that the coming year will be better. This year marks 14 years dealing with my symptoms and 16 years since being infected. That's a lot of years of wishful thinking! Every year I do lose a bit more hope. My head tells me that I'm "too far gone" - that my case is too complicated for any doctor to figure out, that no treatment will help me, and that this is my way of life until I die. But deep within my heart still lies a tiny bit of hope, that there is still a miracle out there for me to find.
The other day, out of sheer boredom, I clicked a link to see what "2021 has in store for me, based on my Chinese zodiac sign". I don't necessarily believe in this stuff, but the words written about 2020 were very applicable, so part of me is hopeful that the prediction for 2021 is accurate as well - that this upcoming year will be a turning point in my life; that a dream of mine will finally come true. How amazing would that be?!?!
I've talked before about the overwhelming amount of messages I get from people regarding methods of healing for Lyme. There are thousands of them, none of which are tried and true solutions since every single person with this disease has varying symptoms and reacts to treatments differently. Crazy things like bee sting therapy or drinking borax to traveling to healing centers all over the world - Mexico, Germany, India, the list goes on. Many of these things I can't afford - other solutions I've tried, even ones that many Lymies have had success with, yet they still haven't worked for me. As you can imagine, years of one failed treatment after the other has turned me into a bit of a pessimistic patient.
As a side note, I'm still taking the Disulfiram that I wrote about in my last post, and have been for a handful of months now. I haven't been able to increase my dosage yet, and am still dealing with neurological issues every single day. I'm not sure this is the answer for me, but I'm also not ready to give up quite yet.
Anyway, a month ago, my mom sent me a video of a friend of a friend who found success through a practitioner who specializes in homotoxicology/bioenergetic medicine. Basically, this entails finding what toxins are in your cells and eliminating them from your body. Here is some info from her website that explains it in more depth.
WHY IS BIOENERGETIC ASSESSMENT USEFUL?
Our bodies are being compromised daily by the assault of chemicals, heavy metals, toxins and viruses from the air, the environment and everyday stress. Balancing bioenergetic patterns requires detoxification, nurturing and rebuilding the cells of your body. Herbal and homeopathic treatment assists your body in eliminating cellular- stored toxins as well as new, incoming toxins. As your body is cleansed, the rebuilding phase begins during which cells are provided with adequate building blocks in the form of botanical, homeopathic and nutritional supplements to sustain the healing response and release stress. Natural healing remedies differ from regular medicine in that they stimulate a healing response. The correct remedy produces a “resonance” between your body and the substance administered as a therapeutic principle. This resonance stimulates the body’s natural healing ability and enables Qi or Vital Force to flow freely.
Here is the link to that video if you are reading this and in the same boat (or storm) as I am and interested in learning more. She treats a whole host of chronic conditions, and has even had success with cancer patients.
What resonates with me the most is that she focuses on determining the root cause of your symptoms rather than your disease. In fact, instead of reading new patient paperwork and clouding her judgement with prior diagnosis's & biases, she begins the process by relying mostly on what she sees from the bioenergetic diagnostic.
A few more amazing things - the patient in this video says she hasn’t even spent $500 in about 5 months of treatment....say what?! That’s half of what I normally pay in ONE VISIT to my current doctor! Also, she’s located on the East coast but can do everything virtually, including the testing! So I mailed in my hair sample and cheek swab a few weeks ago and am anxiously awaiting to hear back.
If you’ve followed me for a while, you know that I've had the most success with naturopathic medicine and things that seem a bit off the wall to some, like muscle testing/energy work. I have a really good feeling about this - everything she does makes complete sense as to why she’s able to help her patients achieve healing and health recovery - and I’m hoping and praying that I'll be one of them.
I'm grateful for the things I learned and the blessings I received in 2020, and I’m even more ready to see what 2021 has in store. Bring on the new year!
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