Growing up, I always liked the rain. I liked the sun too - there was nothing better than childhood summers. But there was something so refreshing about water coming out of the sky - making things look green and smell so nice - the relaxing sound of droplets hitting the ground.
When I decided on a college to attend, part of my decision in choosing an Oregon school was actually due, in part, to the weather. I remember the first week of my freshman year - it was unseasonably warm for an Oregon August, and all the other students - especially the ones who originated from the Beaver state - were happy as clams. Where as I unhappily thought, "where the heck is all the rain?!"
As you can imagine, the incessant gray skies and wetness eventually got to me. I think it was about my junior year that I became more than ready to move back to sunnier skies.
Four years ago, when I found out we had to move to Olympia...well...saying I was not at all excited was a huge understatement. For many reasons, of course, but the weather was definitely one of them. And then to learn that Oly rains even more than Seattle or Portland? Blech.
Lately, it seems as though the rain will never quit. Like we all may have to build an Ark sometime soon, before we float out into the Pacific.
But you know what? I actually haven't minded. Because here's what I've noticed for myself these last few years: Unlike everyone who gets the rainy day blues, I'm actually more depressed when the sun comes shining through.
It may seem crazy to you, but it makes perfect sense to me. When the sun comes out, people get to live. Kids on their bikes, adults walking their dogs or going on hikes. One of my favorite sounds this time of year is that crack of a metal baseball bat - it brings back such great memories - and used to get me so excited for the next two seasons to come. Now, it makes me just as sad as the sun. Because it reminds me of things I can't do.
This weekend has been one of my hardest in a while. I haven't been able to get off the couch for anything. I'm so weak and shaky - I nearly black out every time I stand up, and feel like I'm going to throw up anytime I try to do anything that requires the least amount of effort. The pain is killer, as usual. But knowing that the rest of these symptoms have been better for months - it's a little more than disappointing that they've come back to haunt me again.
So yeah, I don't mind the rain. Because it means that I'm not the only one stuck on the couch this weekend. And honestly, it means I don't have to feel as sorry for myself, for missing out on the fresh air and the wonderful feeling of the outdoors. It means I don't have to feel guilty for not joining my husband in a hike or a trip outside. And it also means that our noisy neighbors who join in a chorus of saws and hammers anytime and everytime the rain stops, are not out there driving my noise sensitivity to extreme madness. :)
I'm hoping now, more than ever, that this phase in my life is just that - a phase. That I'll be joining in with the masses again one day soon, by wishing the rain to go away. But for now, it's not so much the sun that I miss, as the happiness that it used to bring me.
